Today is a new day, a new year, a new decade…This morning’s class at Clayfield was pretty much a full house which makes me wonder if you are feeling like you need to up the ante with your New Years’ resolution?
Personally I stop myself in class from saying the usual ‘let go of the old, make way for the new’ or ‘what do you need to let go of to embrace the new’ kind of speech. I find that talk these days to be more like a robotic ritual think we have to keep saying to ourselves each new year. But I recognise that the speech is merely a habit rather than a heartfelt expression. I recognise the pattern of starting with good intentions, throw everything at it, and before long it fizzles out, and keeps fizzling out until next new year when I blow the dust off and renounce that speech again thinking convincingly that this time I’ll finally make the changes.
But over the past few days, I am ever grateful for a few of my teachers to remind me to embrace that I am ALREADY whole. And when I hold that thought I notice that my energy changes. There is both a joy and a release within me. My energy feels lighter as I remind myself that I am already doing the best I can with what I know, that I am already healthy, happy, beautiful, confident, loved… When I think of what I need to constantly change in me to feel better I instead feel depleted and out of ideas. I am tired of allowing myself to believe that I am not enough, that I need to change something, that I am not good enough, I feel I full of excuses or the need to apologies for not having it sorted by now.
And really I don’t want to look back and criticise my past. To wish all those shitty things never happened. That I should have done things sooner. Because my past has steered me, admittingly sometimes kicking and screaming, in directions I never thought I’d end up. Outcomes from my past have turned into perfect learnings that yes they triggered me but also unexpectedly excited me. I feel from it all I have a much better idea of what I don’t want, which allows for greater clarity around what I do want.
All the discomfort, the heartache, the tears, has lead me to moments of joy, laughter, fun adventures, friendships, family appreciation. Every moment is contributing to making me stronger, wiser, determined, more relaxed, more trusting, more cautious.
More forgiving.
More loving…
All of which I am ever grateful for.
Life is a roller coaster ride that no one is exempted from. So the more I embrace my ride and welcome every opportunity to develop a bit more understanding. That all learning opportunities not only support myself, but I have seen how it makes me more compassionate of others going through their turn.
I wonder if like me you are tired of pretending, performing, faking it, pushing or even holding back because of some belief I am wrong, or not worthy. 2020 feels to me to be the start of a new year, a new decade of Being Real.
So Raise your downward dog leg and toast to embrace that no matter what, to always have the presence of acceptance, patience and determination to hold hands with me on this colourful coaster ride we call life for another day, another year, for another decade.
Happy New Year.
